I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
