i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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