so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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