watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
