I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think my fart just growled at me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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