First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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