We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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