so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
