My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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