just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
