Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
