I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
