Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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