I got chris browned last night
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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