I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
