His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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