Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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