And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
