no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
