Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
