woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
