I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ladies don't puke and tell
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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