i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
accomplished twins. life is a go
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
