Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
