my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
