I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
