I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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