trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
