i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dignity is for republicans.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
