I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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