Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
