i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
