So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
