he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
