i think my mom watched the whole time
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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