I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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