Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
