his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
