and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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