this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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