I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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