if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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