i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Your dad touched me again.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
