Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
