She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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