youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
