You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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