Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
