It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
