He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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