oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I skipped work to stalk him.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
