I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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