that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
