I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
